Avoid creating your own troubles: Seven major anxieties men have about their wives

**Avoid creating your own troubles and cultivate an open mind.**

In clinical practice, we often encounter patients who suffer from sexual dysfunction due to unhealthy mental states such as suspicion, overthinking, and self-inflicted worries, which affects marital trust and family harmony.

This unhealthy mentality of men-being suspicious, overthinking, and creating their own troubles-is rooted in deep historical and social factors. It's an inevitable reflection of the different expectations society places on men and women in matters of love and sex. Men are positioned as strong and courageous in society. In real sexual relationships, although men are often proactive and dominant, deep down they are quite vulnerable, fearing that they might lose face in front of their wives. Through years of clinical work, I have summarized seven major anxieties men have about their wives.

**Number One Concern: Worrying about whether my sex life is the same as others'.**

Some men often wonder, "Is my sex life normal?" They always want to know if their sexual behavior is similar to other men's, whether they use the "normal" methods accepted by society, and whether they achieve high quality. In reality, everyone's sex life is different, and there should be no, and cannot be, comparisons in this area. As long as both partners are harmonious and satisfied, their sex life is normal.

**Second major concern: Fear of developing erectile dysfunction**

If we were to rank men's concerns about sex in order of importance, the fear of erectile dysfunction would probably be number one. Actually, there's no need to think about this at all. Things often play tricks on us like this; suspicion breeds fear, and what you fear most is what you get. Because you suspect you have erectile dysfunction, because of psychological factors, erectile dysfunction actually occurs.

Generally, it's best to avoid sexual intercourse when you've consumed excessive alcohol, are overly fatigued, are preoccupied, lack energy, or don't have a strong desire for sex, as these conditions can increase the risk of erectile dysfunction. An occasional instance of erectile dysfunction can negatively impact future occurrences and may even become a habitual problem. Temporary erectile dysfunction can be overcome by focusing your energy on achieving an erection during intercourse and by not worrying about it. Instead, use the deep emotional connection between you and your partner to distract yourself from the penis; this will usually resolve the temporary erectile dysfunction.

Numerous surveys indicate that in cities, particularly among intellectuals, male chauvinism has been replaced by female chauvinism. In matters of sex, male neglect is less common; instead, there is more consideration and patience towards women. Men have an overly strong sense of responsibility, with excessive "shoulds" such as expecting synchronicity in the relationship and being attentive to their wives' emotions. Many sex psychologists believe this is a significant reason for the widespread reported erectile dysfunction among urban intellectuals.

**Third biggest concern: Fear of premature ejaculation**

This problem causes distress for people of all ages. The fear of recurring premature ejaculation after one instance affects future sexual activity. Premature ejaculation is primarily psychological; many men can avoid it on their second or third encounter by increasing the frequency of intercourse. Of course, this is relatively easier for younger men who can quickly achieve a new erection after their first ejaculation. However, for older men, with patience, it's not difficult to achieve. This requires some sexual knowledge, identifying the psychological causes, and sincere cooperation from both partners to gradually develop self-control and achieve basic synchronization.

**Fourth major concern: Worrying about the success of sexual intercourse**

Some men don't have erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, but they still feel anxious and uneasy every time they have sex. This is still a psychological issue. The basic psychological factor for worrying about sexual failure is the fear that their partner will not be satisfied.

Overcoming these anxieties requires both men and women to use scientific sexual knowledge to guide their sex life. For women, not everyone can achieve orgasm, and not every sexual encounter will be satisfactory. Moreover, sex doesn't necessarily require penile penetration, as female orgasm can be achieved through other forms of caressing. Understanding the entire process of sex can greatly contribute to a harmonious sex life for couples.

**Fifth major concern: Worrying that the penis is too small**

Many men believe that a large penis is essential for masculinity and that a larger penis is more attractive to women. This view is somewhat one-sided. The size of the penis when erect is not proportional to its size when flaccid. Although the size of the flaccid penis may vary from person to person, the size is generally similar when erect. It is important to know that for women who are sexually aroused and whose vagina is in a "plateau" phase, the size of the penis is irrelevant.

**Sixth major concern: Fear of aging**

The aging mentioned here refers to sexual function. Studies in sexual physiology show that male sexual ability peaks around age 20. After that, it begins to decline, but this process is quite slow. Sexual function lasts a lifetime; it is an innate function that ends with death, so there is absolutely no need to set a rigid time limit for abstaining from sexual activity.

Foreign data shows that many elderly people still have normal sex lives around the age of 70, while traditional views hold that people should not have sexual desires or sex lives after the age of 60. This has resulted in a distorted mentality of "sexual phobia," which severely suppresses the normal sexual physiological desires of the elderly.

**Seventh major concern: Fear that his wife might be interested in other men.**

In traditional, male-dominated cultures, it seemed husbands could be unfaithful, while wives could only lament their fate. However, in today's more open society, the burden of worrying about infidelity has shifted to men. Men's possessiveness, and the resulting jealousy, has been the root of countless tragedies and violent conflicts.

Some men have a condescending attitude, believing they "possess" their wives, and that others, let alone touch them, even a glance from them, would fill them with jealousy and resentment. To eliminate this anxiety, the first step is to change this patriarchal mindset and, within the framework of moral norms, cultivate mutual loyalty and trust. To establish an equal and harmonious marital relationship, wives should show understanding towards such men and try to comfort them.

Cases of marital disharmony caused by men's suspiciousness, overthinking, and narrow-mindedness are frequently encountered in clinical practice. For example, some patients, seeing their wives out with male colleagues or shopping, assume they are having an affair, leading to suspicion, loss of appetite, insomnia, and decreased libido towards their wives. Other patients, seeing their wives return home late due to work or errands, assume they have a lover and have forgotten about home. This breeds jealousy, further fueling suspicion, lethargy, decreased libido, and erectile dysfunction.

This narrow-mindedness is not only a major enemy of normal sexual function, but also a major enemy of health and longevity. Therefore, an important way to maintain normal sexual function and avoid premature aging is to eliminate suspicion, overthinking, and unnecessary worries, and to cultivate an open mind. As the ancients said, "Human nature is most inclined to be cheerful, and the body and spirit are most suited to be vibrant. If one always possesses the nature of eternal youth and the spirit of longevity, one can not only avoid illness but also live a long life."